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Monday, June 20, 2005

Tom Cruise: 1. Punk'd: 0.

So Tom Cruise--for once--acted in a completely reasonable fashion. The target of a squirt gun attack by some British version of Punk'd, Cruise responded as every celebrity should to such a stupid prank--by calling them jerks. "You're a real jerk," Cruise calmly told the assailant. Much like that piece of shit Ashton Kutchner, they were in fact jerks. Now if only one of those Hollywood (mainly, not surprisingly, female) victims of Kutchner's unfunny, ridiculous assaults (see Rachel Bilson's episode, in which Ashton pretends her dog nearly got run over by a car...ha...ha...) would react similarly, viewers may finally see him for what he is. An immature, upper twenty-something, trucker hat wearing tool. That said, my summer job is oh-so-stylishly tearing holes in $1,000 sportscoats for Mr. Kutchner. I'm hoping for a promotion to be his Kabbalah advisor (might as well use my half-Jewishness for something...)
In today's Los Angeles sideshow, Kutchner--a member of Hollywood's newest cult (Kabbalah)--certainly loses out to Cruise, a member of Tinsletown's aging freakshow (Scientology).

Tom Cruise. Victim.
See Ashton Join a Cult
At least Cruise' mindwashers produce a decent newspaper