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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Poker: Totally Not Cool

If you're still playing poker, please move to the back of the bus with the other Dungeons and Dragons dorks. I have nothing against the game--certainly it's something to do when every Magic Card shop in town is closed and your mom's Subaru Outback is on the fritz. But come on, this World Series of Poker nonsense is a bit much to handle. Nothing is less exciting to watch, because these people simply have little to nothing to lose. Rounders was great because if Matt Damon didn't win the hand against John Malkovich, Ed Norton was going to get castrated by some Russian thugs. If these dorks lose, they may have to go back to their job selling washer and dryer combos at Sears and analyzing Fantasy Football statistics on weekends, but not much else.

Most of the folks in Las Vegas this weekend were amateurs--those who had played very few actual tournaments and mostly on the internet. That's right...on the internet. Please see earlier point regarding Dungeons and Dragons. Regardless of how much money you make playing online poker, your social status does not improve by stating, "I just made a bunch of money playing online poker." As a new poker website's ads state, "Reason #15 to play online poker: Chicks Dig the Bluff." The ad includes a very sleazy looking guy in a $10 shiny collared shirt and cheap black suit who can only be described as 'greasy'--exactly what one would expect from a "cool" fellow who plays poker. "Chicks", if you "dig" this man--especially for his ability to win money in an online chat room after betting a large sum behind a duece/seven unsuited--please contact me immediately and tell me what I'm doing wrong.