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Monday, February 06, 2006

Charles is Bad With Women

How to not court a woman over AIM, lesson #17:

Girl: what would you think if i chopped off all my hair and donated it?
Charles: that'd be dumb
Girl: really?
Charles: yes.
Charles: No one cares if you donate your hair.
Charles: Give them like $20 or something.
Girl: You're an asshole.

Don't Fuck with John McCain

John McCain changes the tone in Washington from partisan bickering to hilarious, sarcastic belittling.

We view this as an opportunity to bring transparency and accountability to the Congress, and, most importantly, to show the public that both parties will work together to address our failings.

As I noted, I initially believed you shared that goal. But I understand how important the opportunity to lead your party’s effort to exploit this issue must seem to a freshman Senator, and I hold no hard feelings over your earlier disingenuousness. Again, I have been around long enough to appreciate that in politics the public interest isn’t always a priority for every one of us. Good luck to you, Senator.

Sincerely,

John McCain

United States Senate



Article Here

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Groundhog Shit Talking


Staten Island Chuck predicted an early spring, because he knows how to party down at the shore. Punxsutawney Phil was a little bitch who can't get the ladies, so he saw his shadow to ruin the fun for the rest of us. When asked for comment, Staten Island Chuck remarked,
"Let me tell you sumptin, Phil ain't come outta that hole but 14 times in 106 years. That's cause he's scared. He came out in '99, started frontin about the Steelers, then he made a remark about Jeter and BAM! Fohgetta bout it, he wished he woulda stayed down there another six weeks. As per usual, Staten Island Chuck will be heading down to the Jersey Shore with the bros, drinkin' some brews' and talkin up the Chicks. What now, Phil? You wanna step? You don't wanna step with Staten Island Chuck. Staten Island Chuck will mess you up. Yeah, that's what I thought, go back in your hole for another six weeks while we get wrecked down at Uncle Louie's beach house. Bros Bros Bros Bros Bros Bros Bros"

While Chuck is talkin up the ladies down at the shore, we're sure you will enjoy Staten Island Zoo's other main attraction, caged servals...which look suspiciously like the rare and endangered Staten Island Feral Cat.

Jew Caution

Well here's sort of an absurd throw-away line in today's Reuters piece regarding the uproar around those zany Danish cartoons mocking Islam:
Jesus Christ is mocked so often in Western media and art that it hardly causes outrage anymore and courts usually reject legal suits against the satire. Because of the horror of the Holocaust, Western media are much more cautious about Jews.
The statement is thrown into the middle of this article, not backed up by any example, fact or quote, and is quite awkwardly the opinion of Reuters author Tom Heneghan.

Puppies Used as Drug Couriers


There are people who do bad things, and then there are bad people. Get into a drunk bar fight over another man lookin at your lady, accidentally go to far and end up in County? Bad deed. Surgically implant heroin in puppies? Bad person. The latter is rotten to the core, has no hope of rehabilitation, and is so twisted and awful that there is only one answer: put 'em down.