Head East Young Man

Charles is Bad With Women

2006-02-06T20:13:00.000-08:00

How to not court a woman over AIM, lesson #17:

Girl: what would you think if i chopped off all my hair and donated it?
Charles: that'd be dumb
Girl: really?
Charles: yes.
Charles: No one cares if you donate your hair.
Charles: Give them like $20 or something.
Girl: You're an asshole.

Don't Fuck with John McCain

2006-02-06T18:05:00.000-08:00

John McCain changes the tone in Washington from partisan bickering to hilarious, sarcastic belittling.

We view this as an opportunity to bring transparency and accountability to the Congress, and, most importantly, to show the public that both parties will work together to address our failings.

As I noted, I initially believed you shared that goal. But I understand how important the opportunity to lead your party’s effort to exploit this issue must seem to a freshman Senator, and I hold no hard feelings over your earlier disingenuousness. Again, I have been around long enough to appreciate that in politics the public interest isn’t always a priority for every one of us. Good luck to you, Senator.

Sincerely,

John McCain

United States Senate

Article Here

Groundhog Shit Talking

2006-02-02T12:32:00.000-08:00

Staten Island Chuck predicted an early spring, because he knows how to party down at the shore. Punxsutawney Phil was a little bitch who can't get the ladies, so he saw his shadow to ruin the fun for the rest of us. When asked for comment, Staten Island Chuck remarked,

"Let me tell you sumptin, Phil ain't come outta that hole but 14 times in 106 years. That's cause he's scared. He came out in '99, started frontin about the Steelers, then he made a remark about Jeter and BAM! Fohgetta bout it, he wished he woulda stayed down there another six weeks. As per usual, Staten Island Chuck will be heading down to the Jersey Shore with the bros, drinkin' some brews' and talkin up the Chicks. What now, Phil? You wanna step? You don't wanna step with Staten Island Chuck. Staten Island Chuck will mess you up. Yeah, that's what I thought, go back in your hole for another six weeks while we get wrecked down at Uncle Louie's beach house. Bros Bros Bros Bros Bros Bros Bros"

While Chuck is talkin up the ladies down at the shore, we're sure you will enjoy Staten Island Zoo's other main attraction, caged servals...which look suspiciously like the rare and endangered Staten Island Feral Cat.

Jew Caution

2006-02-02T09:36:00.000-08:00

Well here's sort of an absurd throw-away line in today's Reuters piece regarding the uproar around those zany Danish cartoons mocking Islam:

Jesus Christ is mocked so often in Western media and art that it hardly causes outrage anymore and courts usually reject legal suits against the satire. Because of the horror of the Holocaust, Western media are much more cautious about Jews.

The statement is thrown into the middle of this article, not backed up by any example, fact or quote, and is quite awkwardly the opinion of Reuters author Tom Heneghan.

Puppies Used as Drug Couriers

2006-02-02T06:50:00.000-08:00

There are people who do bad things, and then there are bad people. Get into a drunk bar fight over another man lookin at your lady, accidentally go to far and end up in County? Bad deed. Surgically implant heroin in puppies? Bad person. The latter is rotten to the core, has no hope of rehabilitation, and is so twisted and awful that there is only one answer: put 'em down.

"America is Addicted to Oil"

2006-01-31T18:48:00.000-08:00

Wouldn't that make the CEO of Halliburton and the former owner of an oil company (Arbusto!) pushers...?

Staten Island Chuck

2006-01-31T11:47:00.000-08:00

Being a Californian, I've only heard stories of the mythical pit of Staten Island, yet never experienced it first hand. As we all get ready for Thursday's Groundhog festivities, and cameras turn to Staten Island Chuck (the island's only newsworthy event, outside of mafia hits, garbage dump leaks and methane gas) I decided to take a gander at the Staten Island Zoo website. Let us explore.
Bronx Zoo Front Page: Features a rather snappy slideshow of gorillas, lions and tigers.
World Famous San Diego Zoo: Interactive Flash presentation featuring polar bears, orangutans, and a safari expedition at the San Diego Wildlife Park. A baby elephant, racing cheetah and baby panda (Su Lin!) also appear.
Staten Island Zoo: Apparently created by two eighth graders in 1998, that which the Staten Island Zoo lacks in charisma it does not make up for in content. The touted exhibits? American River Otters and Servals (glorified, oversized housecats). A cheap pic-art groundhog graphic also appears of Staten Island Chuck. There's room in SD for you Chuck, so long as you can hop the ferry off the island.

120 Days of Red State America

2006-01-31T07:43:00.000-08:00

Some would call it callous to characterize the grieving mother of a slain American soldiero as a cry-baby--particularly when those doing the characterizing advocated, and often did not fight, in said war. Let's get one thing straight, however; cold hearted, soulless fucks often produce some of the most original, cutting edge, biting social commentary, and ladies and gentlemen, the folks of "Right Wing Stuff" are our contemporary Marquis de Sade. With witty slogans advocating violence against ideological foes, such as, "The Only Way to Change a Liberal's Mind is With a Rock", and, "I (heart) Gitmo", these fine red-staters defend our country in true American fashion: by making a buck off the families of those grieving the war dead. Mazel tov!

Could Things Get Any Worse?

2006-01-31T01:11:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to comment on this for a few days, but it's just too surreal. Tragedy aside, someone's getting a chuckle out of the fact democracy in Palestine is finally realized (a development Bush took credit for last year) and HAMAS IS ELECTED. ARE YOU SHITTING ME??? THIS IS HIS PLAN? Democratize the Middle East, and DEMOCRATICALLY ELECT THE MOST VIOLENT EXTREMIST GROUP, save Al Qaeda?! Un. Fucking. Believable.
I can't wait to hear how this one is spun.

Panda Hand Puppet Laughs at Your Misfortune

2006-01-30T21:34:00.000-08:00

Bull Charges Audience

2006-01-30T17:04:00.000-08:00

A bull leapt out of the bullring, into the stands in Mexico city, injuring two of the arena's most well-heeled spectators. Hmm...tie a string around a half ton beast's testicles, then wave red flags in front of him to piss him off even more, and people are somehow shocked that said beast went bat shit.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4663646.stm

New York Social Diary

2006-01-30T08:00:00.000-08:00

More intrigue from the pit of the New York Social Diary. Apparently it isn't just the columnists who are intolerable--the folks they are reporting on (and pimping their rag to) are slightly less worthless than the writers themselves. Indeed, they are the writers, except with significantly larger bank accounts. I now know why my father despises the city so much. Don't get me wrong, I certainly found New York City to be the absolute shithole so proclaimed by my dad, between the giant subway rats, rude and obnoxious vendors, and belief of the citizenry that their mere wretched existence in a big, disgusting city warranted some social status. The New York Social Diary, however, offers the exclamation point upon the hell that is the city, offering portraits of the city's "elite"--a truly disgusting, shocking, and disturbing sight.

Let us begin with Baroness Von Langendorff--a woman who seems to have inherited a perfume fortune from her late husband Von Langendorff crops up at nearly all of the city's most 'elite' social gatherings. What. The. Fuck.

Next we have Prince Albert of Monaco alongside former San Francisco first lady and court TV Talking Head Kimberly Guilfoyle. Apparently since her split with SF Mayor Gavin Newsome, Guilfoyle has adopted a look that can only be described as 'Hooker-Chic'. You passed the bar hun, let's stop injecting ass fat into our lips.

Yikes! Women Entertainment's Judy Licht finds your soul delicious. Mmm...Souls....A sidenote. On this page (Found Here) I counted 77 white women (apparently "Ladies Who Lunch" is more appropriate than "Rich Crackers Who Are A Drain Upon Society") and one very out of place white man. Unfortunately no photos were taken of the help.

However, later in the afternoon, these white folks:

Did visit Negroes!

As Darcy Olsen of the Goldwater Institute once told me over wine at a very large mansion in the hills outside Phoenix, poor people find government handouts by liberals to be insulting. Trading computers for photo opps and to extinguish the guilt of white priviledge is apprently just fine, however.

iPod Video

2006-01-27T10:47:00.000-08:00

I received a gift certificate for an iPod Video to celebrate the birth of the baby Jesus (little known fact: the Messiah LOVES Duran Duran). I bought it online (free engraving and student discounts) and just tracked its shipment; apparently the little bugger is at a FedEx facility in Shanghai. I’m all for that wacky “Globalization” shenanigan, but couldn’t some asshole in Cupertino just engrave this $300 8-track player for me?

As the World Turns

2006-01-26T13:34:00.000-08:00

An update: Still in Phoenix, still doing research on education policy for nice people, still nearly getting in accidents while gawking at ASU sorority girls as they prance down the streets of Tempe. The wife and kids are doing well, thanks for asking. Do make sure to check out writing at the new gig, www.phoenixnewtimes.com.

Phew

2006-01-18T04:59:00.000-08:00

They just don't make reporters better than Marla Dickerson of the LA Times:

MEXICO CITY — A potential crisis in Margaritaville was averted Tuesday when U.S. and Mexican trade officials signed an agreement ensuring the continued northward flow of tequila.

That, kittens, is how to write a catchy hook.

Article Here

Sandy Shanks: Idiot

2006-01-05T04:12:00.000-08:00

I read Al Jazeera's English site pretty frequently and am often surprised at the objectivity of the headlines. The site seems to present the biggest news stories in a rather straight forward fashion, and the website seems credible until one takes a gander at the right column--the "opinions" and "interviews" sections which amount to little more than unqualified shmoes mouthing off and spewing the latest party line. The grand pooba of this nonsense is Sandy Shanks, a Southern California based columnist for Al Jazeera.net who describes himself as an "avid historian". While I may not be a huge fan of Paul Krugman's work, at least the guy is a professor, with an actual degree and credentials which amount to slightly more than a library card and a creepy photo of himself sitting in front of a computer.

Shanks, in a June 2005 article, believes he answers American's question of, "Why Do the Terrorists Hate Us"? in under a thousand words. He skips over rather important sections regarding the rise of Islamic fundamentalism, focusing instead upon the Crusades, the Balfour Declaration, and the Suez conflict. Three historical events do not a Jihad make. More importanty, however, the fact Shanks posts such nonsense on AlJazeera--the Arab world's most popular news site--lends credibility to his arguments merely by being an American. Indeed, unqualified folks with a self indulgent and egotistical belief of their intellectual greatness will always spout off, yet Al Jazeera--by hiring such a hack--illustrates its inability or unwillingness to find a qualified American to act as a columnist regarding uniquely American topics.

Regarding the "Interview" section, Aljazeera.net recently interviewed Nayef Rajoub, a Hamas candidate for the Palestinian parliament. Ironically, Rajoub illustrates that politicians have trouble answering questions in any language, instead falling back upon fallacious logic rather than critical inquery. My favorite exchange:

AlJazeera: Will Hamas ever contemplate recognising Israel?

Rajoub: Will Israel ever contemplate recognising Palestine?

AJ: But Hamas is dedicated to Israel's destruction.
R: Isn't Israel also dedicated to Palestine's destruction?

Touche indeed, Mr. Rajoub.

Hook 'Em Horns

2006-01-04T04:47:00.000-08:00

UT Athletics Disloyal, Bad with Numbers.

Bill Plaschke is the best narrative sports writer in the country. His article today regarding Scott Wilson, a University of Texas fan who has attended every football game for over thirty years--and nearly every game for five other UT sports as well--is captivating. Yet Plaschke misses the point; the University of Texas is not heartless for ignoring fans such as his protagonist, giving the best seats to big donors rather than big fans, but rather that UT is stupid for doing so. Wilson donates $800 every year, along with purchasing enough merchandize to cover his entire home in burnt orange and season tickets to six sporting events. UT may be a quality university, but the accountants in the athletics department don't seem to be too bright; such consistent, and generous giving does make an impact to an $80 million athletics department. Assuming, for a each game (at 80 games, which certainly seems reasonable for 6 season tickets, as well as every away football and baseball game), Wilson purchases a $20 ticket ($1600), $5 parking ($160), and another $10/game for concessions ($800) as well as $1,000 per season in merchandise, added to his $800 annual donation, Wilson sends $4,000 per year to UT. Scott Wilson, thus, provides a consistent .005% of UT's athletics operating budget. That doesn't seem like a lot? If UT--a school which graduates approximately 20,000 undergraduates and graduates per year--cultivated only 20,000 Scott Wilsons, it could halt fundraising altogether and pay for its entire athletics department through the generosity of such fans. Over 30 years, UT would have to instill such loyalty in only 3% of all graduates per year.

Perhaps such fanaticism is brought on by psychological trauma (Wilson's overzealous passion for UT athletics kicked into high gear at the age of 27, after the death of both his father and brother due to heart attacks). Some find God, others find UT athletics (in Texas, most need both). Thus, recruiting 3% of your graduating class to hold UT sports as dear (and expecting them to "sacrificed several jobs and relationships to remain faithful to UT") is not realistic. Yet not rewarding such loyal fans who consistently contribute a noticable sum to UT sports is bad economics. Cigarette companies grasped the idea decades ago, rewarding loyal smokers with trinkets in return for sending in old cigarette boxtops. The fact UT cannot track its most loyal ticket purchasers through a similar system seems to be squandering an amazing opportunity to easily increase their bottom line while ensuring not to alienate their most loyal and consistent donors who--as an added bonus--require the least amount of resources, outreach and prodding to contribute to the university.

Islamic Sorority

2006-01-03T23:28:00.000-08:00

Seriously...what's the point of a Greek society without beer pong and chants of "bros, bros, bros"?

Islamic Sorority

Dear Tyra Banks: Why Do You Have Red Hair?

2005-12-31T00:55:00.000-08:00

Dear Tyra,

We both know our relationship is on the rocks. I enjoyed your few months slumming it in Sacramento. While others mock your TV show, your personality, or your complete lack of a sense of fashion, I've always given you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you've received bad advice, or perhaps the fact I only purchase pants at Costco leaves me hesitant to ability to remark that it appears you stole your new, cheap, burgundy hair style from a 16 year old South Korean street-walker.
Yet during tonight's Next Top Model elimination ceremony, not only did you choose to cut the uber-hot Christina, but you also combined four cliches in two sentences. "One of you is full of life. But there is time for play, and time for work. Your progress today, makes us all say, 'what has she learned'?" Your voice--dripping with faux-gravitas while uttering such absurdities--is a shame to the modeling industry, the fine UPN Network, and the great United States of America. Shall you burn in the fiery inferno of hell and be stuck driving a Mercury Milan until the end of days.

Disdainfully,
CW

Who's running GM?

2005-12-29T15:52:00.000-08:00

GM is banking on MIT's "Cars of the Future"--tiny, two person, non-polluting rides which are shared by citizens of a city and can "attach" themselves to public transportation devices. Two obvious problems: 1) No one in their right mind would get into one of these things after the rest of New York City or Chicago has parked their bums there (at least there's a community check on public transportation vehicles--people are watching you to ensure you don't perv off in the middle of the bus) and 2) cities are becoming largely less centralized, decreasing the need for cars as powerful as sowing machines. Another brilliant move by GM: invest heavily in technology that will come to fruition--at best--20 years after you declare bankruptcy.

CATO Tarnished

2005-12-25T15:12:00.000-08:00

CATO Fellow for Sale

Doug Bandow, a fellow at the CATO institute--which claims to hold small government, pro-liberty ideologies--took cash (read: bribes) from Jack Abramoff to write columns sympathetic to Abramoff and his interests. The CATO institute claims to hold a rather libertarian slant. Alas, Doug Bandow taking cash from Jack Abramoff in return for writing friendly opinion pieces not only tarnishes the reputation of Bandow and CATO, but also paints CATO as hackish organization for the Republicans who have been anything but for smaller government and increased individual liberty.

Fuck.

2005-12-22T15:23:00.000-08:00

Tamiflu Could Make Bird Flu Worse.

Mr Pibb + Red Ropes = Crazy Delicious

2005-12-22T01:09:00.000-08:00

A little late to post this, but I've been too busy staring in awe at its greatness. The Chronic...cles of Narnia video is the finest SNL sketch I've seen in quite a while. Make sure to check out the dudes at www.thelonelyisland.com as well--their videos even include the uber-hot Sarah Chalke.

Snack Time Muthafucka

What a Team

2005-12-14T02:11:00.000-08:00

The A's are absolutely stacked. They traded for Milton Bradley today, giving up an outstanding minor league outfielder for the headache, which is a sign they are finally going for it in 2006. Rather than putting everything off until next year, the A's are simply loaded already, without anymore magic from Beane. The starting lineup looks something like this:

2B: Mark Ellis (21.2 WS) (.384/.477/.861)
SS: Bobby Crosby (12 WS) (.346/.456/.802)
CF: Mark Kotsay (19 WS) (.325/.421/.746)
3B: Eric Chavez (21 WS) (.329/.466/.794)
RF: Milton Bradley (11 WS) (.350/.484/.835)
1B: Dan Johnson (10 WS) (.355/.451/.806)
DH: Nick Swisher (12 WS) (.322/.446/.768)
LF: Jay Payton (12 WS) (.302/.451/.753)
C: Jason Kendall (14 WS) (.345/.321/.666)

Compare this to last year's world champion Chicago White Sox, and the roster is

Podsednik (12)
Crede (14)
Konerko (24)
Thome (16--2006 expected win shares)
Dye (18)
Pierzynski (11)
Iguchi (17)
Uribe (17)
Anderson (0)

Assuming Anderson performs at the league average--and generously giving Thome 16 Win Shares, the A's bats are comparable to the White Sox' line up. In terms of starting pitching, if the ChiSox pick up Vazquez as expected, the A's and ChiSox starting staffs would be comparable, particularly if Harden is healthy.

Oakland ChiSox
Harden (2.53/1.06) Buehrle (3.12/1.18)
Zito (3.86/1.20) Garland (3.50/1.17)
Loaiza (3.77/1.30) Contreras (3.61/1.23)
Haren (3.73/1.22) Garcia (3.87/1.25)
Blanton (3.53/1.22) Vazquez (4.42/1.25)

Certain the A's pen, now consisting of Kennedy/Witasick/Saarloos/Duchscherer/Calero/Garcia/Street should outshine the ChiSox pen (at least during the regular season), yet if the injuries plague the A's this season as they did last, certainly the advantage could shift to other top AL teams. The Angels, as always, are dangerous, and the ChiSox/Twins/Blue Jays/Yankees/Red Sox all will vie for three playoff spots. Simply, if the A's can stay healthy, the Blue Jays pitching doesn't hold up, and the Yankees continue their implosion, teh A's should be in outstanding position to cruise to a Wild Card berth and give Anaheim a run for the AL west title.

Tookie Dead

2005-12-13T10:44:00.000-08:00

Just proving founding the largest and most violent gang in the United States is a poor career choice regardless of how many childrens books you write, Stan "Tookie" Williams was executed at midnight. Now, the death penalty may be overused in the United States, but writing a few kiddie novels simply doesn't justify putting off an execution. Rallying behind THE HEAD OF THE CRIPS is not the best plan of action for anti-death penalty activists. Seriously, these idiots have made Timothy McVeigh and Tookie Williams their posterboys for their cause--not exactly the best PR strategy. Here's a tip: go with the black guy incarcerated life on the third third strike of stealing a loaf of bread to feed his starving cancer stricken daughter.

Story Here

How's it hangin', Mohammed?

2005-12-12T23:52:00.000-08:00

Just proving the answer to, "How's it going" is "Pretty well" in every language, 7 of 10 Iraqis rated their lives as "not too suicide-y" in a recent ABC poll. Not that this coincides with the whole "making up stories and planting them in Iraqi publications" thing, but it is a bit suspect...
Story Here

U Kansas Religious Studies Prof Resigns Post

2005-12-09T00:40:00.000-08:00

CNN.com - Anti-creationism prof chair - Dec 8, 2005

Anti-creationism professor Paul Mirecki resigned as the chair of the University of Kansas Religious Studies department today amid concerns regarding his objectivity and acceptance of students with differing views. Both sides are doing an amazing job of skewing the issue; Mirecki was fired not because he disagreed with creationism and called the Creationism a 'myth', but because he said a, "course describing intelligent design as mythology would be a "nice slap in their big fat face." "Their" being Christian fundamentalists and Creationists. Certainly, the motivation behind teaching a course at a public university should not be to slap anyone in the face, particularly the obese who have enough to worry about.

On Monday, a few hicks stopped Mirecki's car and beat him with a metal object. "Mirecki was treated at a Lawrence hospital for head injuries after he said he was beaten by two men on a country road."

So let's dissect what really happened. Mirecki is a dick, and a petty one at that. Calling people names--regardless of how absurd their attempts to insert a baseless ideology into classrooms may be--is immature and inappropriate for anyone, let alone a professor attempting to wield his power to create a course as a 'slap in the face' of others. Resigning as department chair is the least he could do. Further, those who attacked him are criminals and should be prosecuted. That's it--nothing else to this, despite what Daily Kos and others may wish to make of it, whether it's turning this Mirecki guy into a martyr or attempts by the right to have him fired .

American Poetry

2005-12-07T00:19:00.000-08:00

Autumn Begins in Martins Ferry, Ohio
Jim Wright

In the Shreve High football stadium,
I think of Polacks nursing long beers in Tiltonsville,
And gray faces of Negroes in the blast furnace at Benwood,
And the ruptured night watchman of Wheeling Steel,
Dreaming of heroes.

All the proud fathers are ashamed to go home.
Their women cluck like starved pullets,
Dying for love.

Therefore,
Their sons grow suicidally beautiful
At the beginning of October,
And gallop terribly against each other's bodies.

"Dear Anderson Cooper of the Future"

2005-12-06T04:15:00.000-08:00

..."You are so hot. xoxo, Anderson Cooper of the Past" Lil' Vandy, Anderson Cooper (son of Gloria Vanderbilt) is appearing in obnoxious ads straight out of an Urban Outfitters catalogue, such as the one to the left. Seriously, I don't want my news from a guy in a poofy jacket sitting on a goddamn sidewalk like a hobo in overpriced clothes. At least one thing is clear: CNN still doesn't get it.

Football Players Fail in the Classroom

2005-12-05T19:41:00.000-08:00

Holy shit--football players at top Division I schools ain't the brightest bulbs in the box. When it comes to the classroom, Bubba's sure helping the curve.

This year's bowl-bound college football teams are struggling to meet the NCAA's new academic standards, with 41 percent falling below minimum requirements and almost half lacking a 50 percent graduation rate, according to a survey released Monday.

Granted, the list of last year's Division I teams which attended bowl games isn't exactly a laundry list of prestigious academic institutions. Yet even a top tier school such as Northwestern--which is usually the doormat of their conference--barely graduates more than three quarters of their football players. Certainly there are intelligent, studious football players. Yet there are far more of these kids who have no shot of making a career of football, yet are groomed by coaches throughout high school and college to play football with little concern for their academic ability. Seeing football as the only way out of dire economic circumstances--and foresaking academic advancement for the ability to run a slant route--obviously is only serving high school and college coaches.

Article Here

Al Jazeera Provides Good News for Bad Habits

2005-12-05T19:31:00.000-08:00

Al Jazeera took a break from hating the United States to inform us those with serious drinking habits and weight problems benefit greatly from drinking over two cups of coffee each day.

Coffee and tea may reduce the risk of serious liver damage in people who drink too much alcohol, are overweight, or have too much iron in the blood, researchers reported.

The study of nearly 10,000 people showed that those who drank more than two cups of coffee or tea a day developed chronic liver disease at half the rate of those who drank less than one.

Considering I'm at around 6-8 cups per day, I can now quadruple my drinking habit. Thanks Al Jazeera!

Article Here

MIA

2005-12-05T03:56:00.000-08:00

I'm going to be out of commission this week, finishing up an article regarding the threat postal delivery posed antebellum church officials. And drinking some brews with my bros and totally getting chicks. Go read this.

Merry (Iraqi) Maids

2005-12-04T04:23:00.000-08:00

The United States Government is going to give someone $1.02 for writing the best proposal to turn 10 of Iraq's most chaotic cities into not-quite-hell-on-Earth. I just paid a guy from Merry Maids $20 to clean up my apartment which was a total disaster, so a cool bil to clean up Iraq is rather generous. Frankly, I thought that was the President's job--perhaps even before we invaded the place--yet what do I know. Anyone can apply; ability to fold hand towels into the shape of a swan a plus. If you gave a congressman a boat, that will do too.

Fed Grant: Fix Iraq
(via HuffPo)

Raelians News

2005-12-04T04:02:00.000-08:00

If you thought the Discovery Institute wacko's 'Intelligent Design' nonsense is kookie, check out the Raelians. Sort of like Scientologists, without the cool celebrities and shit.

The idea that there are billions of planets similar to the Earth in the universe is also accepted by most scientists, as is the fact that our civilization may not be the most advanced in the universe. So having a much more advanced extraterrestrial human civilisation coming to Earth a long time ago to create life in a kind of panspermia is the most rational explanation of our origins.

Raelian News. More internet dorks get their news from Raelian News than any other source.

Philips Senseo Noriega

2005-12-03T23:12:00.000-08:00

I received my free Philips Senseo in the mail three days ago and have realized it is a dangerous, dangerous device. The folks at Philips finally realized what drug pushers have known for millenia; give away the delivery device and charge for the sweet sweet nectar. Just fill up its water container, press the "on" button, stick in a single, pre-packaged packet of ground coffee, and voila, a freshly brewed 4 oz cup of coffee with a delicious frothy layer. A dab of CoffeeMate and the beverage tastes like a damn latte (and can be finished in two gulps). At times like these...namely, 11PM on a Saturday night while working on the thesis...I've gone through eight of the packets in the past three hours, and should really move the machine away from my desk.

Stewart, 'Laguna Beach' star call off engagement

2005-12-02T08:35:00.000-08:00

First Nick and Jessica. Then rumors of BrittFed. Now Kim Stewart and "Laguna Beach Star".

Stewart, 'Laguna Beach' star call off engagement

Kimberly Stewart and "Laguna Beach" Star say their wedding plans are off. Stewart, the 26-year-old daughter of singer Rod Stewart, and Laguna Beach Star, a 19-year-old star of the MTV reality show, announced their engagement earlier this month. Laguna Beach Star's publicist, Jack Ketsoyan, said early Sunday that the two were no longer romantically involved. Stewart's representative, Elliot Mintz, said they "remain friends."

The important question here is obvious. Why the fuck does "Laguna Beach star" need a publicist?

Monkeys make every story better

SU LIN READJUSTS SLEEPING POSITION!

2005-12-01T14:36:00.000-08:00

Su Lin awoke, apparently uncomfortable, and decided to roll over. A-fuckin-dorable.

Su Cuter Than the Stick

2005-12-01T14:23:00.000-08:00

Call the fight--San Diego's own Su Lin is making a bloody, uncute mess of The Stick. Just check out both Panda Cams--Su Lin is curled up in an adorable ball in her Birthing Den, comfortably resting on a bed of straw. The Stick, meanwhile, is trapped in some horrific Oz-esque prison hell, with bright lights, what looks to be a horse trough, and large metal bars to rest against. Su's got the good life...and is frankly infinitely more adorable.

The More You Know...

2005-12-01T04:13:00.000-08:00

Wolf Parade, SF Show

2005-12-01T03:16:00.000-08:00

I'm a bit late on this, but Wolf Parade is playing The Independent in SF January 4th and 5th, and The Casbah in SD January 2nd. Tickets are available--buy early and often.

The Stick in Hiding

2005-11-30T14:53:00.000-08:00

Butterstick--the DC National Zoo's new panda--has gone MIA. Not only are the zoo's panda cams over capacity for viewing online, the Animal Planet has shut down their cam ('temporarily'--from what we hear, because they realized they were focusing on the inferior panda baby). Check out Su Lin (currently snuggling adorably with her mother in the SD Birthing Den) here: http://www.sandiegozoo.org/zoo/ex_panda_station.html

University of the South

2005-11-30T08:53:00.000-08:00

Continuing their series on crazy people, the New York Times discussed the University of the South today to a nation's collective yawn. "There really are people like this?" most Times readers asked, viewing those who attend the University of the South as backwards Good Ole Boys and LSU rejects (often the same). Further proving the fragile status of the United States higher educational system, Dr. (!) David Aiken remarked about changes to the University of the South (which include such radical steps as removing a ceremonial baton dedicated to a Confederate general who helped found the Ku Klux Klan, as well as numerous confederate flags),

"I think they ought to leave it the way it is," said Dr. David W. Aiken, an alumnus who is an orthopedic surgeon in Metairie, La. "I wouldn't be for changing anything. I think they're doing quite well. What is the purpose of making it a more national school? Do I want kids from California, New York coming there? (Read: Jews) Not really."

Dear kids from California and New York: STAY HERE. IT'S BETTER, I PROMISE. Go to a community college if you must, then transfer upstate or to UC Riverside if necessary. Yes, shocking I know, but if you think the valley or Buffalo are hell, you ain't seen nothing yet. Don't trust me? I'd hope I don't have foot trouble if I were you...

Edit: Sorry about the yarmulke being backward. Google Images let me down, once again...

Interactive Hip Hop

2005-11-29T01:02:00.000-08:00

Screw satellite radio--I want interactive radio. What would I say you ask? Funny you should ask...

"Why, now that you mention it Ms. Pussycat Doll, I do indeed wish my female companion happened to be a 'freak' like you."

"Actually Dr. Cent, it is not my birthday, thus partying like it is would be inappropriate and perhaps devalue the actual holiday."

"Mr. Diddy, why do you suck? Seriously, how can a single human being suck so much, yet continue to make a living? You made acne commercials--I'm sure that's what Biggie had in mind when he got shot and you became famous covering a Sting tune...you next to Jessica Simpson selling ProActive Solutions after a Girls Gone Wild infomercial. Congratulations, you are worthless."

OK, so the last one isn't really a question, but you get the point.

Esteban Loaiza

2005-11-28T15:34:00.000-08:00

The A's picked up Esteban Loaiza for three years today, adding another reason why Barry Zito will be traded at next week's winter meetings. Thankfully for A's fans, won't be traded. Loaiza adds a decent starter who leveled off last season after two all-star first halfs in 2003 and 2004. Although Loaiza eats up a ridiculous number of innings (giving the A's bullpen a chance to stay rested throughout the season) he more importantly offers the A's a starter with a proven track record as staring the season hot. Kirk Saarloos is likely to be traded, as he is certainly over valued after his career year last season (think Cory Lidle). Hopefully the A's can grab an undervalued right handed bat for Saarloos and some prospects (or perhaps Saarloos and Kennedy). In any event, Zito/Harden/Loaiza/Blanton/Haren gives the A's the best starting five in the AL, as well as starters who can consume enough innings to make up for the A's rather thin bullpen.

A's Sign Esteban Loaiza

HOLY MOLY!

2005-11-28T15:06:00.000-08:00

A few months back I wrote about local San Diego congressman Duke Cunningham's shenanigans (see July 5th), including taking bribes fromd efense contractors. Today, it appears things are worse than expected; Duke took $2.4 million from defense contractors, and resigned today. Not only is Duke a crook, but apparently he can't stomach the same fight as Tom Delay when he gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Home Stretch

2005-11-28T01:20:00.000-08:00

Another Thanksgiving down, and now we're in the proverbial home stretch to the new year. Purchased a Sirius radio this afternoon, and gosh is it swell. I haven't spent enough time investigating each of the channels yet, and certainly the receiver seems a bit clumsy (the antenna and power cord certainly add clutter to the front of my car) and the ability to access all of the channels is limited to the 6 preset buttons. Yet the ability to listen to lots of good music, commercial free, and never again being frustrated by a complete absense of anything listen-able on the AM or FM dial is well worth the $13/month.

The Stick No Es Bueno

2005-11-22T00:10:00.000-08:00

Wonkette continues to proclaim the greatness of the DC zoo's newest panda, Butterstick (aka Tai Shan). Who freakin' cares--San Diego ACTUALLY has PandaWatch on the 10PM news, and tickets for our panda are significantly easier to come by. What's the matter, Stick, have to get all dressed up in the morning? Yeah, our lineup of Bai Yun, Gao Gao, , Mei Sheng, Hua Mei, Shi Shi and our newest addition Su Lin would eat the stick for breakfast. While Tai Shan freezes its little panda ass off in DC this winter, Su Lin will be laying out in our current 80 degree weather.

NY Times' Gay Fetish

2005-11-19T18:38:00.000-08:00

The NY Times' actual subtitle for this picture, "And the Winner Is...Acting Gay". The formula for success beat into me by society is apparently backward. For social climbing and increased personal status, I heart penis.
And the Winner Is...Acting Gay

Congress Sticks It In

2005-11-19T13:35:00.000-08:00

Pullout rejected 403-3 Washington Times, America's Newspaper

CSPAN was truly riveting last night. Murtha is a badass, and the R's didn't have anyone to counter him. Praising the guy and giving him his evening (a low-news Friday) was obviously the best strategic move the Republicans could make.

Vatican Not Religious Enough

2005-11-18T14:25:00.000-08:00

Pat Robertson argued God would strike the city of Dover with a meteor because they rejected teaching 'Intelligent Design' in their schools. A top Vatican scientists today argued intelligent design has no place in the science classroom--rather, should be presented either in cultural history or religion courses. Bet you wish you had that missle defense system now, don't you Father?

Vatican Just Not Religious Enough

Witty Hippies

2005-11-18T01:41:00.000-08:00

I Crossed Illegally and All I Got Are These Freakin' Awesome Shoes

San Diego is edgy. Obnoxious hipsters have lost their monopoly over the boutique sneaker market, and obnoxious self-loathing white folk are paying $215 for each pair of "Brinco" shoes, designed by a southern california artist. The shoes include a map of the US-Mexico border, a 'flashlight dangle', and an image of Mexico's patron saint of migrants. A tip to illegal immigratns though; you may not blend into the day laborer pool at Home Depot sporting those $215 kicks with the flashlight dangle.

From the BRINCO Website:

With Brinco , Judi Werthein has created a project that links migrants’ efforts to cross the border illegally with the increasing global corporatization of goods and labor. The project is a uniquely designed sneaker, trademarked Brinco . The design of the shoe is inspired by information and materials that are relevant to, and could provide assistance to, those illegally crossing the border.

Flashlight Dangle?

2005-11-18T01:35:00.000-08:00

I Crossed Illegally and All I Got Are These Freakin' Awesome Shoes

The Associated Press SAN DIEGO — The high-top sneakers cost $215 at a San Diego boutique, but the designer is giving them away to migrants before they cross to this side of the U.S.-Mexico border.

These are no ordinary shoes.

A compass and flashlight dangle from one shoelace. The pocket in the tongue is for money or pain relievers. A rough map of the border region is printed on a removable insole.

They are red, white and green, the colors of the Mexican flag. On the back ankle, a drawing of Mexico’s patron saint of migrants.

Sure, Jose, you'll TOTALLY blend into the day laborer pool at Home Depot sporting those $215 kicks with the flashlight dangle.

Mr. T Directions

2005-11-17T16:04:00.000-08:00

Is driving easier when Mr. T’s riding shotgun? - The Driver's Seat - MSNBC.com

In High School I attempted to spend the class' money hiring Mr. T as our graduation speaker instead of prom. While that ended in the shame of me home alone on prom night and listening to my English teacher on graduation day, I will never by without the A team again. Oh, capitalism, how I love you.

Why I Hate Google

2005-11-17T08:49:00.000-08:00

So my hometown of Mountain View, California finally made their pact with the darkside. Google will cast its wireless web of information into every nook and cranny of Mountain View, allowing residents to access the internet anytime, anywhere. How altruistic. Alas, much like their ill-fated Google Web Accelerator, Google will be able to track everywhere my fellow denizens of the MV go online. Now, if you have a gmail account, Google's servers will log every activity you undertake online, no longer allowing the worry-free dabbling in sin to which I have become accustom. The goal of every media company is to reach the largest audience possible every second of the day; now google is in every home, every ally, and every bathroom in the fine city of Mountain View. If Larry, Sergey and Eric (Oh My!) were Charlie's Angels, I may not feel so violated.

Review: Carrie Underwood, Some Hearts

2005-11-16T17:58:00.000-08:00

Carrie Underwood: Some Hearts
Arista Nashville

Finally, Church of the Rock parishioners disillusioned by the estrangement of Creed can find solace in hip music to which all the kids are listening. Sweet to Kelly Clarkson's skank, Some Hearts' is a perfect stocking stuffer for the post-pubescent Protestant male—wholesome, holy, and when used as masturbatory inspiration, God doesn't kill a kitten. The music is analogous; following up her single, “Jesus, Take the Wheel”, Carrie Underwood's afflatus country is the album of the year for Wal-Mart single moms and just faux-rock enough to prove she would kick Clay Aiken's ass in a steel cage match.

Sam Adams Light

2005-11-15T00:28:00.000-08:00

...needs a higher alcohol content.

Elpidia Carrillo for Governor

2005-11-14T16:46:00.000-08:00

The Governator: HUGE in China. Considering the string of Predator stars turning into governors, perhaps Latin hotty Elpidia Carrillo can push through a two misconceived initiatives.

Bill King, Hall of Famer.

2005-11-14T00:09:00.000-08:00

Has a nice ring to it, no?

Baseball's great announcers are awarded the Ford C. Frick Award at
Baseball's Hall of Fame ceremony each year. To honor the late Bill
King, please visit the site and vote for King, the voice of my
childhood. Voting runs through November 30th and you can vote once
each day.

Ford C. Frick Award Honoree Voting

Douche of the Week

2005-11-12T12:28:00.001-08:00

Student porn -- inmates running the asylum at UC San Diego

Congratulations Warner Todd Huston, you are our Douche of the Week!. I'm not sure the name of his droopy handle-bar mustache/overgrown lip patch combination of facial hair, yet his ridiculous article on Alan Keyes' "Renew America" illustrates the hypocricy of the organization's self-serving interpretation of the first amendment. Huston's article argues for the loss of federal funding for UC San Diego because the administration did not take action against UC San Diego's Student Run Television Station for refusing to censor student-produced content. Allowing students to decide what is shown on the television station which their fees pay for is equivalent to, "[handing] the inmates...the keys to the asylum?"

Yet, linked next to Huston's article is Alan Keye's "First Amendment essay". In the essay, Keyes argues, "Federal and state governments, in matters of religion, are forbidden to coerce or prohibit individual choice and action." Individual free speech--as well as the rights of media organizations--are as protected from the coercive power of the state as religious organizations. The federal government censors content on television and radio because those institutions operate on 'public airwaves' and can be accessed by anyone at anytime. UCSD's SRTV, however, is closed circuit and access is limited televisions hooked up to UCSD's on-campus cable, thus not bound by the same state and federal restrictions. As expected, Huston threatens state and federal action to enforce his own ideology, whether it is Keyes desiring the ten commandments in a state courthouse or the censorship of a campus television statement.

Korach New A's Announcer...Quesadilla Not Settling Well...

2005-11-12T01:31:00.000-08:00

Korach gets well-deserved reward by A's new lead announcer

Creating some sort of synergy is important to a successful blog.
This is not a successful blog. Bill King's passing left the top spot
open for A's radio broadcasts, and the choice of selecting the former
color man, Korach, is a great decision. I'll be out of the state--and
country--for much of the baseball season thus the ability to continue
listening to Korach broadcast games through MLB internet audio is
delightful.

In other news, I just ate a cheese quesadilla and am in immense pain.

Bloggy McBloggerson

2005-11-11T14:29:00.000-08:00

Spitting in the face of the notion that no one cares about your blog, today a pimp a friend's blog on law like it's a 12 year old Cambodian hooker. Check it out.

http://www.stillbornthoughts.blogspot.com/

Puggle for Governator

2005-11-09T17:51:00.000-08:00

SignOnSanDiego.com News Politics -- Schwarzenegger vows cooperation in face of defeat

Seriously, what's the matter with you people? California's propositions weren't ALL bad, yet each and every one was rejected by voters. Teachers waiting 5 instead of 2 years for a lifetime gig--that makes sense, right? Judges, not politicians, drawing legislative districts? I guess not, this is the state that elected Gray Davis...twice....

More importantly, as I continue my slide into the world of trendy emasculation, I will be adopting a Puggle in January. It's a good starter dog I suppose, plus the fear of coming home drunk and sitting on the poor bastard should limit my drinking in Phoenix.

Kronos Quartet & Asha Bhusle

2005-11-08T01:03:00.000-08:00

KRONOS QUARTET AND ASHA BHUSLE: You’ve Stolen My Heart: Songs from R.D. Burman’s Bollywood

SDCityBeat, 11.2.05

Goes Well With: Phillip Glass, R.D. Burman, a night at the indie cineplex

Bollywood isn’t the place grandpa’s string quartet would go to find their latest inspiration. But it is the sort of sexy otherworld that lures the Kronos Quartet, whose newest effort brings a passionate, amorous flair to the music of Bollywood’s greatest composer, R.D. Burman.

The Kronos Quartet—the most recognizable string quartet in the world due to their work with Philip Glass—experiments with nearly every music genre and here their versatility shines as much as their already-proven virtuoso skills. Famed Bollywood singer Asha Bhusle provides the album’s vocals, yet beyond an organist and percussionist, the quartet’s ability to adapt their traditional instruments to the tonal sounds required for an authentic feel (particularly from violinists David Harrington and John Sherba) is stunning.

You’ve Stolen My Heart offers the suspense and intrigue far beyond any Bollywood film. Each song holds true to Burman’s original intent, and each shows why his scores should be regarded as more than just background noise for cliché dance sequences.

Bird Flu Mints...Curiously Strong...

2005-11-07T06:17:00.000-08:00

The first images of bird flu, taken by the Swedish photographer who brought us the first images of human conception, were featured today in a Swedish newspaper. Bird Flu looks strangely like a Mentos, yet significantly less refreshing.

DN - Nyheter - Här dödar fågelinfluensan en cell (Swedish jibberish with cool bird flu photos)

"The Concretes", The Concretes

2005-11-07T00:38:00.000-08:00

"The Concretes" The Concretes. 2004.
The Concretes are the epitome of rambling indie rock bands with a female front. You've heard their tune "Say Something New" in that snappy Target commercial, which looks nearly identical to those new iPod ads. Which makes sense, consdiering The Concretes, Apple and Target all share the same business model, selling overpriced functional shit (or affordable-chic, depending on you look at things, but that funny looking teapot still only boils water and costs half as much at Wal-Mart, asshole).

Sure, it's fun to throw an accent piece into the mix every once in a while to spice things up. Yet just like intoxication experienced when entering a yuppie-apartment, caused by an inability to focus one's gaze without staring at a Henckel knife set or overstuffed throw pillow, The Concretes overlay every song with cute window-dressing. Whether a rhythm horn section, organ, or vocal accompanyments, The Concretes have too many toys and not enough meat.

The Concretes' barrage of musical cotton candy is unfortunate because the album's one stripped down song, "Foreign Country", is a satisfying indie rock tune, comprised only of emotional vocals (despite rather meaningless lyrics) and some basic piano chords. Indeed, parts of numerous songs successfully pair unconventional instruments and vocals, yet it is simply overkill. The band certainly shows potential, but their first LP simply shows a lack of confidence.

We're back

2005-11-07T00:27:00.000-08:00

Thanks for visiting once again. This blog was popular back in the day yet wilted a month and a half ago due to writer's block. I won't relapse again, I promise. There will be plenty of CD reviews that can be read here, particularly those that you can't find in the San Diego CityBeat. So enjoy, and welcome back.

New Music Thursday

2005-09-15T14:08:00.000-07:00

What? A repeat of the TGI Friday's bar review--despite its comedic splendor--was unacceptably lazy for a weekday? Go get Yahoo! Music Unlimited for $5/month and download the following:

The New Amsterdams
American Football
Rainer Maria
The Anniversary
The Only Children
Pretty Girls Make Graves

Re-Run Thursday

2005-09-15T14:05:00.000-07:00

It's a slow news day. Thus, it's time for a Best of Head East post. Today? TGI Friday's Bar Review. Holla.

. When looking to sling back a cold one, there's no better place in San Diego than the ultimate in corporate, homogenized dining; TGI Friday's. Mock it for the over the top kitsch. Ridicule the frat in the corner celebrating Chad or Chip or Conner's birthday, washing down their Chicken Poppers with long islands. TGI Friday's has one thing unrivaled by any other San Diego watering hole. Secretaries. Oodles of them. Fellas, you're not going to find any 'girls nights out' at that hip North Park or PB hole in the wall you enjoy.

Only two groups of women frequent TGI Friday's. One—the secretaries—are no longer able to respectably hit up the joints of their youth. Solidly 30-ish, the female equivalents of rent-a-car regional managers are Friday's bread and butter. They're drinking Lemon Drops with a side car of desperation. The second group is the bachelorette party for the terribly uncreative and inexperienced. They could have gone to Chip 'n' Dales, but these girls chose to consume oversized margaritas to show they're "having a good time". They're either Mormon or terrible planners—hope for the latter.

Sure, you have to deal with the throng of middle managers in town from Dallas driving up in their Dodge Stratus, attempting to take that always-the-bridesmaid-never-the-bride back to their respective Radisson love-nests. But in the end, the kids are fun and the forced happiness of Fridays (that's a fake bison's head on the wall—aren't we WACKY!) will almost make you believe you're enjoying yourself.

You've Got to be Shitting Me...

2005-09-14T19:54:00.000-07:00

The President of the United States, George Walker Bush, writes a note to Condi Rice at the United Nations. I thought it was a joke...until it came across the AP news wire... Link here: http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/050914/ids_photos_ts/r2587077477.jpg

FlasherWatch 2005

2005-09-13T17:18:00.000-07:00

Now that Ray Nagin announced New Orleans will be open for business by next week, the next logical milestone is when LSU sorority girls again feel comfortable trading their dignity for a t-shirt or trucker hat. Even money says her name is Kendra, she's from Tulsa, and she has Backne (back-acne. duh.)

Sunday Update

2005-09-11T18:29:00.000-07:00

More thoughts from Randy Newman...

No one likes us-I don't know why
We may not be perfect, but heaven knows we try
But all around, even our old friends put us down
Let's drop the big one and see what happens

We give them money-but are they grateful?
No, they're spiteful and they're hateful
They don't respect us-so let's surprise them
We'll drop the big one and pulverize them

Asia's crowded and Europe's too old
Africa is far too hot
And Canada's too cold
And South America stole our name
Let's drop the big one
There'll be no one left to blame us

Boom goes London and boom Paree
More room for you and more room for me
And every city the whole world round
Will just be another American town
Oh, how peaceful it will be
We'll set everybody free
You'll wear a Japanese kimono
And there'll be Italian shoes for me

They all hate us anyhow
So let's drop the big one now
Let's drop the big one now

Isn't It a Shame What the River has Done to This Poor Cracker's Land

2005-09-10T19:51:00.000-07:00

Saw Bill Maher at a book signing today--normally I find him obnoxious and his snarkiness over the top, but he had a few good comments. Regarding Bush, his comparison to other presidents was a reminder that, at least since 1906, no US President lost an entire city. Good point. And with that, some Randy Newman:

What has happened down here is the wind have changed
Clouds roll in from the north and it started to rain
Rained real hard and rained for a real long time
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline

The river rose all day
The river rose all night
Some people got lost in the flood
Some people got away alright
The river have busted through cleard down to Plaquemines
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangelne

Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tyrin' to wash us away

President Coolidge came down in a railroad train
With a little fat man with a note-pad in his hand
The President say, "Little fat man isn't it a shame what the river has
done
To this poor crackers land."

Add a line about the president getting photo opps with the poor ole black folk, and it's a little too close to home...

Son Volt

2005-09-08T20:56:00.000-07:00

Son Volt is playing the Fillmore this Friday. Stop in, say hi, shoot an e-mail if you want to buy us a drink. No fatties, please.

AIM Therapy

2005-09-07T00:37:00.000-07:00

C: "I figure it takes a year to get over an ex. Just going through all the holidays and shit."

Z: "That's a ridiculous statement...I'm going to sleep. But i will pray for you to get through Arbor Day without any emotional turmoil"

These Things Happen

2005-09-07T00:17:00.000-07:00

Jack Burkman gave three justifications for the Presiden'ts slow response to Hurricane Katrina: 'These things happen', 'We have limited resources [because] we have a war' and third the limited resources mean the president must protect us against terrorism rather than natural disasters. If you couldn't follow that, the president started a war which limited the federal government's resources to protect the United States from both natural disasters which destry entire cities and terrorist attacks. I certainly support the principles of small government more than the Bush administration (which has dramatically increased the size of government) yet acknowledge it is the federal government's duty to ensure the structures it builds (such as the New Orleans levees, built by the Army Corps of Engineers) actually do their job. Further, if a lack of resources hamstrung the government's relief efforts, it is the administration's fault for not asking sacrifice of Americans sufficient to protect our fellow citizens lives and property.

Terrorist attacks by foreign adversaries claimed 4,000 lives during the Bush administration--Hurricane Katrina alone has claimed upwards of 10,000. Such a utilitarian analysis is crude, yet I assume those who lost everything--husbands, wives, children, mothers, fathers, homes, savings, and all worldly possessions--in New Orleans feel pain little different from that felt by the families of those who died on 9/11. Burkman's quotes:
1. "These things happen"

"There must be a limit on what Uncle Sam can do...I understand there are 10,000 people dead, it's terrible it's tragic, but in a democracy of 300 million people over years and years and years these things happen. We can't abandon our way of life and our way of government and have a national panic because these things happen...we must put this in perspective..."

"We have limited reasources. We have a war...maybe it's the case that the federal government could have put more moeny into storm prevention, but if we'd have done that we wouldn't have enough money to guard against bioterrorism"

"The government's first job is to protet the country against terrorism. Is protecting America against terrorism more important than protecting the country against hurricanes? Of course it is."

Mission Accomplished

2005-09-06T03:03:00.000-07:00

Al Qaeda took control of the "key Iraqi border town of Qaim" today. Article here (originally posted at Drudge)

Michael Brown; FEMA Director, Horse Whisperer

2005-09-05T04:35:00.000-07:00

Here's to hoping my college roommate someday becomes good buddies with the US president, and I can head up the International Arabian Horse Association. Then, I too can lead FEMA!

Sean Penn. Opportunist

2005-09-05T03:57:00.000-07:00

Sean Penn rented a boat and attempted to toodle through the streets of New Orleans picking up victims.

With the boat loaded with members of Penn's entourage, including a personal photographer, one bystander taunted the actor: "How are you going to get any people in that thing?"

Hey, maybe the photographer also had navy seal training...

Article Here

Rich's Sunday Piece

2005-09-05T03:40:00.000-07:00

Frank Rich's Sunday Times article was particularly outstanding. Little has been said of Bush's visit to good old San Diego, yet Rich's piece addresses the issue quite well. The best line? "If we are to pull ourselves out of the disasters of Katrina and Iraq alike, we must live in the real world, not the fantasyland of the administration's faith-based propaganda."

Another Times piece compares the situation of two families--one white, middle class, the other black and mired in poverty. While the article unfairly tries to paint the white folks as Gatsby-esque, it still is quite good. Find it here.

Click here for the article.

On a completely unrelated note, who knew Anne Rice now lives in La Jolla? We're pratically neighbors! Her Sunday Times piece makes me miss New Orleans even more, and certainly makes her migration west a bit more puzzling. La Jolla is nice, but certainly out of place for Lestat;s creator (despite our 24-hour coffee house of the same name).

The Swift Boating of New Orleans

2005-09-05T02:57:00.000-07:00

Bush screws up a war? Blame the protesting mother whose son is dead. Bush screws up a relief effort? Blame the poor black folk for not getting out. Indeed, that is what the right has begun to do. It of course is not the fault of the federal government for failing to act on numerous memos describing the threat a category 4 or 5 hurricane posed New Orleans. Instead, it's the poor black folk of New Orleans for failing to get out, and the "mentality" of the city--a welfare state as described by Rush Limbaugh--for failing to act. Certainly ample blame must be placed at the feet of New Orleans' leaders, from Nagin to the Landrieu clan. Each of these folks could have raised more hell about the threat posed to the city. But in the end, it is the federal government's Army Corps of Engineers who maintain the levees, and Bush's appointees who are in charge of the relief efforts. At the very least, blaming the poor, black people of New Orleans for their predicament, being locked inside the hellish conditions of the Superdome and NOLA Convention Center, is in shockingly bad taste.

Rush Limbaugh Swiftboats NOLA residents. Of course, race and economic disparity have no connection in today's American south.

Fuck.

2005-09-02T05:48:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought the mayor declaring a "desperate SOS" and "battle tested troops" reclaiming the city was as bad as it could get, now shit is blowing up.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4207202.stm
The New Orleans riverfront has been hit by a series of massive blasts, and fires are raging in the area.

Details are sketchy, but the blast is believed to have involved a chemical factory. A large cloud of acrid, black smoke is drifting over New Orleans.

Anybody Home?

2005-09-02T02:59:00.000-07:00

The first thing one notices when walking along the river in New Orleans is, "Holy shit, why the hell is there a river above me?" I'll assume for the moment President Bush visited New Orleans once or twice in his life, and indeed looked up and saw a river (and lake) above him. Now, regardless of how much faith one has in concrete, a river and lake which surround a major US city--despite the existence of a wall--would seem to warrant some concern by the federal government. Say someone blows up part of that concrete wall, or, say, a hurricane comes and blows it down. It doesn't even have to be a big piece, because as one learns when one pokes a whole in the side of a water jug, lots of water can sure get through a small whole.

The President's response is going to be some sort of commission looking at the intelligence failures in New Orleans. Even if you're for the war in Iraq, it is the president's job to take some precautions to ensure cities of half a million are not completely submerged in 20 feet of water. At the very least, it seems logical he should take such measures prior to liberating another country. Keep a wherehouse with some big sandbags and helicopters close by during hurricane season, for example. Or send some guys to check the concrete wall--shit, maybe even build a second one just in case. Or, if you're really ambitious, even make hurrican and flood insurance affordable for the literally hundreds of thousands of New Orleans' poor black folk.

In 2001 the president took August off and the walls of the twin towers and the pentagon collapsed a week later. In 2005 he spent August clearing brush and the walls of New Orleans' levees fell down. Of course the president is not directly culpable for these events, but with such a track record the claim that he was doing all he could to keep America safe seems rather dubious.

Apartment H. Secretive Den of Sin.

2005-09-01T17:20:00.000-07:00

You thought the Roosevelt Hotel was the hottest, most exclusive party desitnationin California? Think again. The most secretive night spot is an hour south, at UC San Diego's graduate student housing complex in beautiful La Jolla. Building 3927, Apartment H, to be exact. While dozens of industry-types shuffle past Amanda Scheer Demme's velvet rope each evening at the Tropicana Bar, be assured that Apartment H is so exclusive that no one--spare its two residents (who are such captains of the entertainment industry their apartment is subsidized by the state of California) have passed through its circa 1974 door for the past 12 months. That's right--Bruckheimer, Cruise, Weinstein--none of them made it into the taupe walled, shag carpeted nirvana that is Apartment H.

Entertainment rags--from Defamer.com to Variety--have speculated as to the decadence and debaucher that unfolds inside Apartment H. The paparazzi occassionally catch a whiff of Tandoori Chicken being cooked by the 30 year old Indian Computer Science candidate who is rumored to inhabit Room 2 of Apartment H. Yet those who have entered Apartment H keep to the code of silence they take upon first entering, for fear of angering its tenants and never again being offered access. It is widely rumored Bradgelina genetically engineered their most recent Etheopian love child in Apartment H, yet when questioned as to the voracity of this claim the couple responded, "The first rule of Apartment H is don't talk about Apartment H".

Whether Apartment H will go the way of La Esquina, with NY Times articles and even the most common of tourists from Des Moines allowed access, remains to be seen. What is for certain, however, is although Kirsten Dunst may be allowed to leap fully clothed into the Roosevelt's pool, she has yet to be granted access to Apartment H.

Katrina

2005-09-01T03:13:00.000-07:00

I always enjoyed visiting New Orleans, home of Mandinas and Po Boys and Abita and so many good friends who always opened their homes to me. Everyone is safe and sound--the same of course cannot be said for one of America's jewels. Coverage from Wonkette, however, illustrates the city's primary scourge, racism. It seems even in a time of crisis the big easy cannot overcome it.

First, a comparison of coverage of white and black victims.

Next, just stating the obvious--those who stayed in the city aren't meatheads, but indeed far too poor to go anywhere else.

God, Sin and New Orleans

2005-08-31T18:34:00.000-07:00

Isn't it really just a matter of time before Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell blame the sin and vice New Orleans cultivates through Mardi Gras and Bourbon Street for Katrina's devastation? Safe money is betting Falwell to make such a statement this Sunday.

Chateau Marmont Story

2005-08-30T16:32:00.000-07:00

Here's our version of the Chateau Marmont joke that originated at Defamer.

So there I was at Chateau Marmont with a 17 year old Robert Downey Jr and James Spader. I knew Junior was gone as he was threatening to swan dive off the balcony onto Molly Ringwold's patio three floors down. The swan dive was standard fare, but that crazy SOB was willing to leave the four East German hookers we had fed-exed that morning because he was, "Jonesin' for some Fire Crotch". I was finishing up the last of the blues when I hear Jim screaming from the bathroom. Seems he and one of the Krauts hit a bit too much ether, she choked on her own vomit and was unconscious. Junior got all pissed that she was the first to go to sleep, considering he'd been up for six days and she should have caught some shut-eye on the way over, so he cooks up a batch and injects it into her leg to try to get her up. She wound up dead, and we never did find out if it was the brown or asphyxiation that did her in. But hey, that's drugs.

Racism of the National Review

2005-08-30T02:34:00.000-07:00

Today Jonah Goldberg (the offspring of gossip-monger extraordinaire Lucianne Goldberg) argued Cindy Sheehan is aiding and abetting white supremecists. Nice, Jonah, really nice. From his boyish picture, it looks as though Jonah is of ripe enlistment age... Come to think of it, the National Review seems to know a thing or two about white supremacy...

William Buckley's National Review, which would champion Barry Goldwater for president the following year, was able to. "Let us gently say," it said, "the fiend who set off the bomb does not have the sympathy of the white population in the South; in fact, he set back the cause of the white people there so dramatically as to raise the question whether in fact the explosion was the act of a provocateur -- of a Communist, or of a crazed Negro." The magazine said some evidence supported this possibility.

"And let it be said," the National Review declared, "that the convulsions that go on, and are bound to continue, have resulted from revolutionary assaults on the status quo, and a contempt for the law, which are traceable to the Supreme Court's manifest contempt for the settled traditions of Constitutional practice. Certainly it now appears that Birmingham's Negroes will never be content so long as the white population is free to be free.

"Fourteen months later the National Review weighed in on the murders of Goodman, Schwerner, and Cheney in Mississippi. It noted that a federal grand jury convened in Neshoba County had returned indictments against local police officers. "It is everyone's impression, including ours, that some, at least, of the Neshoba police are a crummy lot," said the magazine airily. "But we pause for reflection. Are 'violation of the Civil Rights Act' and the even more tenuous 'conspiracy to violate' going to become a catch-all charge by which the Federal Government can get its hands on nearly any citizen?"

Operation Yellow Elephant

2005-08-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

Oh, moral superiority. This blog reported on Operation Yellow Elephant about a month ago, a movement to enlist college Republicans to fight in Iraq. I'd imagine the result would be the college R's handing out the enlistment fliers and being generally amiable when dealing with anyone attempting encouraging military recruitment.

I think of my mother walking into my room, looking at the home which protected me, my room with the things that I touched and which we laughed over, and simply am numbed by the image of 1,900 mothers having to do the same thing. I supported the war at the beginning. I was told they had big bad weapons, and certainly we could go in there, clear the place out, and be gone in a few months. I was stupid, I was gullible and I was wrong, and now 1,900 mothers must box up the belongings of their sons and daughters--the pictures they displayed of better times down to their shirts and socks. I am truly sorry.

I guess the kids at this school just don't get it. Make sure to watch the end of the video, when a member of the college republicans attempts to claim the moral high ground, arguing the club couldn't be bothered to encourage students to join the military and fight for a war they support because some of the organization's members simply weren't "able to enlist" despite their burning desire to do so. Unlike, of course, those 40-something national guardsmen with a wife and three kids who are being called through the backdoor draft for their third tour of duty...

Video Here

What Would Jesus Wear (to the VMA's)

2005-08-29T00:05:00.000-07:00

So, let's get this straight. Jessica Simpson's father is a former southern preacher who now is dressing her up like a street-walker and running around with a $300 haircut complete with blond tips. It makes you wonder whether Pat Robertson would be such a dick if he had a hot daughter.

Missy Elliott...

2005-08-28T23:50:00.000-07:00

Crystal Meth's latest victim.

Crazy People

2005-08-27T17:29:00.000-07:00

Chicago White Sox's outfielder Carl Everett claimed in 2000 dinosaurs never existed. Indeed, dinosaur bones are made by men, as part of the most elaborate anti-Christian cover-up since the holocaust. Now, religious zealots one step removed from 'creationists' are buildilng 2nd-rate play structures (coming soon to a truck stop near you!) to sell the notion that dinosaurs were created along with men 6,000 years ago. Not only were we all friends, but all dinosaurs were vegetarians until Eve went and screwed everything up. If you thought Hugo Chavez pissed Pat Robertson off, just imagine what he has to say about that Eve character.

Audioslave. My Generation's White Snake...

2005-08-27T01:34:00.000-07:00

Who buys tickets to see Audioslave? For that matter, who's paying for a Creed, Nickelback, Tool, Perfect Circle, etc. etc. etc. show? It must just be an entire arena of people who were caller 9 at "Hot (enter number here), Today's Hit Music, Yesterday's Favorites".

National League West...Very Very Bad

2005-08-26T17:26:00.000-07:00

How bad is the National League West? The ENTIRE National League East is better than the San Diego Padres who lead the west by six and a half games. The east cellar-dwelling Washington Nationals (read: Montreal Expos) would lead the NL west by two and a half games and until yesterday, the Padres were below .500. Whether or not the NL west champs finish above .500 is nearly as interesting as the best race in baseball, the AL Wildcard.

Drudge Report...Obnoxious

2005-08-26T09:44:00.000-07:00

Up until about a month ago I read the drudge report a few times a day. The ridiculous, tabloid pieces and over the top yellow journalism were amusing. Now Drudge is really being shown for what he is--not a showman in a silly hat, but just another Ann Coulter-esque jerk. Today he's just another Swift Boat schmuck (without the war experience) attacking Cindy Sheehan. His comment about Ms. Sheehan's HufPo column today consisted of, "We now have caterers". Clearly his goal is to mock a woman who lost a son in a war he advocates--classy Drudge, classy.

Ebert and Ebert: Two fat thumbs down

2005-08-26T02:06:00.000-07:00

Meet Marilyn Wann. Is she really the mild-mannered author of Fatso, the feel good book aimed at obese housewives who spend their afternoons reading Redbook and watching the Rosie O'Donnell show? Or worse......could she be Roger Ebert's Doppleganger!? You make the call.

3rd World Wireless

2005-08-25T01:35:00.000-07:00

Newsflash: NY Times discovers Africans like to talk to their friends too!

Villagers in the two jungle provinces of Congo are so eager for service that they have built 50-foot-high treehouses to catch signals from distant cellphone towers.

"One man uses it as a public pay phone," said Gilbert Nkuli, deputy managing director of Congo operations for Vodacom Group, one of Africa's biggest mobile operators. Those who want to climb to his platform and use his phone pay him for the privilege.

Applaud Here

2005-08-24T16:14:00.000-07:00

Mikal Gilmore's op-ed piece in yesterday's NY Times is outstanding. The best quote? It can be found here

The cultural perspective that defines youth has changed drastically.

We've infantilized adolescents. We view them as children whose judgments are immature, who have to be protected from influences that may steer them in wrong directions - directions that may threaten decency or disrupt social authority. True, the same things were said about teenagers in the 1950's and 1960's, but part of our ambition was to dispute mores and intimidate hegemony. Today, the pressures against such instincts for adolescents come from both within their peer group and the culture at large. Teenagers now are themselves often the harshest critics of young nonconformists.

If that's not your bag, try this delightful Slate piece, which certainly more aptly suits the sentiments of the head east crew:

Though I'm normally a pretty empathetic person, I hate teenagers with incredible fervor. It's nothing personal: I hate them categorically, like I hate injustice. I hate the way they roam around in packs, wearing floppy, Technicolor clothes, sculpting their marginal facial hair, slapping and tripping each other, shouting strings of banal obscenities as if they were delivering the "Gettysburg Address." I hate the way they express personal inadequacy through car accessories and vandalism. I even hate the word "teens," which sounds like some kind of infectious skin fungus.

South Korea National Dog Eating Contest

2005-08-24T08:02:00.000-07:00

I can't make this shit up.

In Seocheon County, directly north of here, "Amenity Seocheon" is the motto used to advertise the region's unspoiled wilderness. The county also proposed a dog-eating festival for lovers of the meat, which is considered a delicacy in Korea.

"But some pet-lovers opposed the idea and we dropped it," said Lee Jin Hee, a county official.

South Korean Officials Propose National Dog Eating Contest, Offer Bikini Discounts.

Pat Robertson Drinking Game

2005-08-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

Pat Robertson argued for the US to assassinate Hugo Chavez, the President of Venezuela. I thought his next move would be calling Cindy Sheehan a lesbo, thus I must take a shot. The AP summarizes Robertson's illustrious career as such:

Robertson has made controversial statements in the past. In October 2003, he suggested that the State Department be blown up with a nuclear device. He has also said that feminism encourages women to "kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

That pretty much covers it.

TGI Friday's Bar Review

2005-08-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

When looking to sling back a cold one, there's no better place in San Diego than the ultimate in corporate, homogenized dining; TGI Friday's. Mock it for the over the top kitsch. Ridicule the frat in the corner celebrating Chad or Chip or Conner's birthday, washing down their Chicken Poppers with long islands. TGI Friday's has one thing unrivaled by any other San Diego watering hole. Secretaries. Oodles of them. Fellas, you're not going to find any 'girls nights out' at that hip North Park or PB hole in the wall you enjoy.

Only two groups of women frequent TGI Friday's. One—the secretaries—are no longer able to respectably hit up the joints of their youth. Solidly 30-ish, the female equivalents of rent-a-car regional managers are Friday's bread and butter. They're drinking Lemon Drops with a side car of desperation. The second group is the bachelorette party for the terribly uncreative and inexperienced. They could have gone to Chip 'n' Dales, but these girls chose to consume oversized margaritas to show they're "having a good time". They're either Mormon or terrible planners—hope for the latter.

Sure, you have to deal with the throng of middle managers in town from Dallas driving up in their Dodge Stratus, attempting to take that always-the-bridesmaid-never-the-bride back to their respective Radisson love-nests. But in the end, the kids are fun and the forced happiness of Fridays (that's a fake bison's head on the wall—aren't we WACKY!) will almost make you believe you're enjoying yourself.